Cutting*******Flashback (((harps sounding)))

Well, I took my braids out and CUT more of the perm out, I only have about 1.5 inches of it left. I don't know why I wont just cut it out. About 5 years ago I cut it all out, but I remember being so upset with the perm and color and my hair falling out.************ Flash back 2003, I wanted a lighter color, in the middle of dry a$$ wnter no less. (what was I thinking)******************Dumb mistake number one, then I went to a NEW stylist, Dumb mistake number two, I felt uneasy and ignored it, Dumb anf final mistake number three. My hair was immediatly in shock and revolted at my first shampoo. I do remember him saying "You need more moisture" but he didn't explain how. I hate when people try to make me buy things and can't tell me anything about whats in it or how to use it or why I NEED to buy it. Well as the days and weeks go on, I notice my hair thinning horribly, I pushed it off as a bad overpermed hair. I tried more moisture as I only knew how, added water every day, but knew nothing of anything. No oil sealant no shea, no coconut oil, nothing. Then as my hair kept thinning, I went back to the same hair dresser....he was fired, what a surprise. Now I was hurt, because I knew better and was silly enough to let it happen. I tried every cream and grease in the BSS, of course all a waste of money and time. My hair was like straw that had been burnt by the sun and watered down and then left outside to dry out. On top of this it was winter still.....arghh, I decided as soon as it warmed up a little and I finished my semester I was going to cut and braid my hair. And that's exactally what I did. I got the funds together and went into my bathroom and cut it all off, anything that felt hard, I cut. I remember feeling good and light, it was shrunked and tight, if only I knew then what I know now.*************speed up 2005, I finally took the braids out. Boy had my hair grown, I really don't remember doing anything special to it, just left it braided. I don't think I had it out of braids for longer than half a day during these two years. I remember when I did get a perm the stylist was asking over and over about doing a operm. I was like, "Hell yeah, what is your problem, why would I walk around with this curled up mess" She was so reluctant. I didn't listen. But, the perm turned out gret, my hair had grown it's longest. I was shoulder length and growing. My hair just kept on growing, all I did was perm, trim every 6-8 weeks and wrap. no heat at home, deep condition every 2 weeks and it kept growing. THEN, my stylist got too busy and suddenly too expensive. My hair didn't break, but it stopped growing. again I was on the market for a new stylist, again with over processing and then came the breakage. ::::::::fast forward late 2006 I cut it into the chic style, didn't have to worry if it broke, heck I cut it so much, it became a staple thing for me to do. I also found hair loc's exstentions. My new cut and style was great. my hair was feeling good again, however this time I was using my chi flat iron daily and washing weekly......hmmm, no breakage?!? so of course what happened the beging of 2008, my stylist announces that she is leaving the area, moved 4 hours away. I contemplated continuing and driving to have my exstentions done, I didn't want to lose another styliest that my hair liked. THEN while I was online searching for directions to her shop I found a website, girly webzine. I was in awe of the hair and care, but thought "yeah right she's mixed anyway, my hair wont be like that" Then I followed a link on her site to LHCF.com. Oh the motherload. I saw thousands of women, with their natural hair, half permed hair, everything. I was so excited. I never went back to look for directions. I was up for weeks searching, stalking, learning. I was in heaven. I immediatly changed my hair routine, my hair was so excited, it felt suddenly so different, like overnight. I bought oils and creams and read labels. I felt like I had started a new diet. I was so overly cautious with everything for my hair. ;;;;;;;Today;;;;;; well that' the story, but still after all that, I couldn't cut this last few inches. I think mostly because my hair is healthy, even the permed ends, they are in fabulous shape. It seems wrong to cut good hair, but it is straight hair. I am getting it braided today, it has been out only for the night and that's too much, I have touched my hair more in these 12 hours than I probably ever have in my life. My hair is super thick, I can kinda see the texture, but the permed ends are a bit harder to really see. I decided at the start to transition then cut, but I remember how my hair grew, fast and that was without my vitamins and care, it could only thrive now. But, I am a anal chic and my plan was to slowly with each set of braids cut more perm out. Although, I cut way more than planned it really grew faster than planned. So now here I am getting ready to go get it braided and really wanting to cut it all off. But then I want to twist the front and individual the back. I don't like individuals in the front as I have realized this is way too much stress on my hairline. pulling into a ponytail, washing and turning ans just too much business. I can handle the back, but my hair grows so fast now, that it would dread up.Sooo, that's my story. I am going natural and staying with it. I am at point where I want length badly, but will not sacrifice for it.